Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
