Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
