I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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