so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
