Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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