he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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