yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
