after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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