We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
this is an emotional support booty call
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize