I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
