Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
