Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
