Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
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I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
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he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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