the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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