K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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