I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
