i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
