So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
