I'm jealous of your bromance
my sisters under your porch take her home
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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