I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It's official drugs can't kill me
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
