I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize