he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
