youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
