Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
