hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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