brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
