What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
