Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize