i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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