Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
