bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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