why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
