my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you traded sex for a burrito?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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