Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
