yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
