Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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