Your mouth is God's brothel.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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