i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
