i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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