Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
