I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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