Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
