clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
