I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
