This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Someone shattered a urinal.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
