it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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