my mouth tastes like poor choices
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
