Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
