My girlfriend figured out who you are.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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