Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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