wakey wakey hands off snakey
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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