Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
