He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
