My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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