About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
