Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
