I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Will you blow on my dice?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
