Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
