I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Randomize
