We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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