how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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