I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
