I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
