She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
