I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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